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Halloween

by Steven Wagler

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1.
Introduction 00:30
2.
Spent a decade as a shadow, happy just to follow, to walk you home... was I even there at all? Woke up so dysphoric, tried a while to ignore it, swallowed whole... didn't notice I was gone. A summer disconnected, trauma resurrected, Let me go and you'll be better off. Autumn on the doorstep, all those brittle little regrets piling up, I know I have to go. Can it feel this right, but be this hard? Can we say goodbye and not fall apart? 'Cause I'll miss you, I'll miss you so much but I can't stay. I can't stay. I've been away too long. A year of starting over, all the under-drawings bolder, I know they know I'm no closer than I was. Every open door, a mirror, when you want to disappear... so it goes, try another just because. But still our time together, I will hold onto forever, I hope you know you made it everything it was. Can it feel this right, and still be this hard? Can we say goodbye and not fall apart? 'Cause I'll miss you, I'll miss you so much but I can't stay. I can't stay. I've been away too long. I can't stay. (I'll miss you) I can't stay. (I'll think of you) I can't stay. (I won't let myself forget you) I was barely here at all.
3.
Have a smoke, think it over... what a lonely, cold October. Made a bed of the backseat, one more open door before you leave and you take it. I couldn't hide it at the drive-in, I was done. Red as Haddenfield as Michael spilled some blood. Pull me under the blanket, I want to stay... Golden, forever green, buried under Halloween. If you'll be an ember, and keep us warmer while the winter haunts these streets, I could be another songbird out your window every morning in the spring and we could sing... I couldn't hide it at the drive-in, I was done. Red as Haddenfield as Michael spilled some blood. Pull me under the blanket, I want to stay... Golden, forever green, buried under Halloween. The fire's low, summer's over... almost enough to scare us sober. Where to go now that we're older? Every home I've known has broken. The fire's low, so much unspoken... I've taken every door left open. Where to go? Who fucking knows just pull me close before it's over, before the lights are up again.
4.
The Loudest 03:48
From bedrooms and garages, to basements and old shelter houses... ears still ringing, hoarse from screaming along. Our Midwestern revival, ripping off our idols, brick by brick, built somewhere to belong. A wall of noise, couldn't hear a word, out of tune, fucking unrehearsed... No control, no direction, and it all sounded like shit... But maybe that was it? The loudest we were ever gonna get? No more sing-alongs... No dusk-til-dawns... The memories far outweigh these regrets, and all that I remember I will never forget. D.I.Y. forever. A beat up van barely held together. We never got far but we never hard far to go for a chance to feel connected, to feel alive, to feel electric... to know that we existed and we weren't alone. A wall of noise, couldn't hear a word, out of tune, fucking unrehearsed... No control, no direction, and it all sounded like shit... But maybe that was it? The loudest we were ever gonna get? No more sing-alongs... No dusk-til-dawns... The memories far outweigh these regrets, and all that I remember I will never forget. I love the way we all got older, got it together, moved on, got sober. Looking back is happy-sad and I'll love it for what it is... But maybe that was it? The loudest we were ever gonna get? No more sing-alongs... No dusk-til-dawns... The memories far outweigh these regrets, and all that I remember I will never forget.
5.
It's funny how the feeling fades... ran out by the morning light, the well gone dry, but we remain, no love, no pain, just alive... So hum a sad forgotten song to the static of the summer rain on your window pane, and cry if you can, goodbye my friend, goodbye. How absurd, a universe contrived and come to this? I don't believe it. But I don't want to die, it's just everything that makes me feel alright is killing me a little at a time, what a compromise just to survive. Empty as a modern prayer, I reach into unbroken dark, nothing but air. I know this quiet, I know there's no one there. How deranged, ashamed that I still care. I asked for this? I don't believe it. But I don't want to die, it's just everything that makes me feel alright is killing me a little at a time, what a compromise just to survive. One more. One more, and then I'll go, I swear I'll go... one more song and a cigarette... The shadow of this turning page over everything... one more before we forget (so we don't forget...) That we don't want to die, it's just everything that makes us feel alright is killing us a little at a time, what a compromise just to survive...
6.
Raw 06:00
Ash on the heat rose through the leaves... Dead on the breeze, sways like it's free. The clock drips with the sink, the couch sits like a brink, and with every drink, I recall... A fire-tower, the embers of Fall, the Wild devouring the fetters of thought. Alive, in feel, and raw... but now... Salt on my tongue, blood on the run. Cold burning my lungs, undeniably young. The clock drips with the sink, the couch sits like a brink, and with every drink, I recall... A fire-tower, the embers of Fall, the Wild devouring the fetters of thought. Alive, in feel, and raw... but now... Alive, in feel, and raw. Yeah, I recall... A fire-tower, the embers of Fall, the Wild devouring the fetters of thought. Alive, in feel, and raw... but now...

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released March 3, 2021

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Steven Wagler Albuquerque, New Mexico

Midwesterner that grew up in punk and cover bands just writing and recording when time and opportunity allow.

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